Touch
The power of touch is often lost in our technology infused society.
Technology is touted as a way to simplify our life but often it simply gives us the excuse to do more and be in more places at the same time. We have all observed diners, couples and teens in a social setting looking down with a look will all recognize- bending their neck and eyes tilted downward as they interact more with their phone than the one who sits across the table. I am guilty of it at times too.
A friend recently lamented to me how busy she was and I could relate. My 87-year-old mom often mentions she thinks I am too busy . But what she really means is she feels I am too busy for her. I have tried for many years to communicate my love for her in a variety of ways and I often wish I could magically unlock the secret of her heart… how I might be able to do more and become a better daughter to her.
This is hard for me. I am not sure how to change how she sees who I am or how I live. I work to be intentional about my time with her. I try to remember put my phone away when I am with her and touch her hand or shoulder whenever I see her and give her a long hug when I leave… because the power of touch is so strong and how I wonder how often she is touched as she lives alone for the past 15 years without her spouse of 50 years?
My heart aches when she expresses her thoughts on my busyness- because most of all I long for her to know my relationship with her is precious and priceless to me. I long to use my hidden super-powers to show her how special she is to so many people! She feels the weight of her advancing years and tells me “People treat me like I am old and I don’t like it” Inside she is not 87… and she longs for others to understand and to see who she is not only the bits and pieces portrayed in her physical body marked by the tug of age.
Philippians 2:4 – Living Bible
Don’t just think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too, and in what they are doing.
We all have a longing for significance and at age 87 mom longs to be valued and matter. I ponder today how to bring life and value to the relationship with our aging parents or others who find it difficult to accept or receive our love for them.
- How do you bring life and great love to those who are important to you?
- If you have a senior parent, what speaks life to them the loudest ? ( I could use a little help here!)
Blessings from my heart to yours my bloggy friends!
I do hair home for the elderly.
I believe that touch is so important to all of us, exspecialy the elderly.
I have several ladies that ask for a hug every single week.
They tell me I give great hugs. Because I truely love them.
I rub thier backs, and love on them as much as possible.
I have a client who is 102, I always bring her back to her room myself.
Even though she complains, that I don’t have time to be doing this.
I will sit right next to her on her couch and hold her hand or touch her leg. Then speak love and life to her. Both of us are richly blessed by this short time together.
My friend we are Gods hands, feet and voice. Let’s be fully there with them, love on them.
How very blessed I am to spend many hours, with those who don’t have long,
before they see Jesus.
Let’s make those hours counts.
Blessing to you and your mom.
Oh what a gift you weekly give to your precious ladies. You create beauty for them, bringing value and honor to thief lives. We all long to matter and to feel beautiful. Age doesn’t change our longing for this desire!
Blessings my friend as you give them the gift of love in their sunset years.
A great post, Nancy…one that every daughter can identify with.
My 94 year old mom leaves permanently with us for the past seven years. She is a blessing and a responsibility, which, although has limited our lives, I would not give up for the world. Forgetful of recent information she and we keep repeating things. She hasn’t forgotten however who she was and lives by the values and the wonderful habits she always practiced in her life. Patient, neat, clean, wise, always with a good word for all, helpful, and healthy, and a lover or the scriptures and religious and spiritual books she knows by heart; She loves reading and a word or picture often brings to her mind a long forgotten poem or song which she sings or recites beautifully.
So, I shouldn’t complain.
There are moments, however, when I need to be left alone, to work on my book, or just be, that I feel guilty for not spending more time with her, like I used to when she was visiting from Greece. Life preoccupations and writing responsibilities! I do make a point to comb her long, beautiful, white hair and tie them in a bun, every morning… hug her and give her a kiss… share a few minutes over fruit and other snacks.
She never complains and is always eager to help… extremely grateful to us, very polite and expressive of her gratitude. She loves nature and can spend a long time in front of a window or patio door, watching the birds and animals eat seeds, or roaming in the garden enjoying the plants and flowers, when weather permits, with the joy and awe of a child.
Katina- A precious heart for your mom… deep in her spirit she knows she is greatly treasured and honored…a beautiful great big love.
Blessings sweet friend !
I have full time care of my aging demented mother. She has never allowed anyone to get close to her or love on her. But I kiss on her and tell her she is beautiful everyday. Abba told me that she is His priceless treasure and that I’m His hands and feet. Can’t wait until she is emotionally healed and for the first time we will be able to love each other as He intended. Glory bound. Come quickly Lord Jesus1
Kinsey girl- my precious mom too…I find it ishard to get close to her she has a wall of protection around her heart. My kids can “get in” sometimes… but not so easy for me. I think there is a deep hurt from way way back.. that only Jesus can heal. …. she too will someday be whole body soul and spirit!
She too is my priceless treasure… and am thankful to be reminded she is his first, greatly hugely loved by Abba!
Blessings my friend!
My Mom lives a thousand miles away, literally, and hasn’t known me for at least a year due to dementia.
It is hard to find any kind of way to connect with her and make her feel loved, and it’s hard for me to feel she may somehow know that I’m not there for her.
There can be a lot of guilt with this, but that’s another story.
One thing I started doing, and not often enough, is sending her hand-written letters. Short, pointed reminders of times we spent together years ago- times that were good memories for both of us. Stories about the cat who had her kittens in the hollow tree; saving the cat who had fallen down the well, and others.
I know she can no longer read them for herself, but I hope someone there reads them to her. I hope somewhere inside a light comes on, and she can have a moment or two of pleasurable remembering.
This past Christmas, I was able to visit my Mom. Conversation was impossible; it was more a monologue. But I held her hands, gnarled and thin with age, and I hugged her, her head next to mine, and she leaned in, quiet and peaceful for just a moment, as if this mother-daughter touch was so needed and relished.
Touch is powerful, and it speaks where words cannot.
Hug your Mom, touch and hold her hands, just BE there when you can. She will cherish every moment, every hug, every shared memory. So will you.
Cheryl-
I did not know your mom struggles with dementia. Hearts breaking here for you…. your idea to write to her… is precious to you and to her… you through the words can also remember, cherish and savor the good and wonderful precious moments. Wonderful idea in many ways.
Touching… still touching her …just being. I think my moms’s love language is acts of service… and time. Being there… yes thank you Cheryl… 🙂
My dad is 83 & my mom is 77. So I talk to my mom practically everyday. When I go there to visit she usually has things lined up for me to do. Lol. May God continue to sustain them for they still go to functions at their church. My dad has some health challenges and my mom is his caretaker. She does all of the driving. We had his license taken away a few years ago.
Recently I’ve arranged for a nurse to go to my parents home to check on my dad. The nurse arranged for a physical therapist to come also. Father God spoke to me a while ago that he was taking care of my parents before I ever came on the scene and he will continue. I’m an only child so I do my best with staying in touch with my folks and regular visits. I pray for them daily. I learned to pray this prayer I learned a couple of years ago from one of my pastors, “Father God I pray that my parents are never a burden to themselves or to others. I pray that for ourselves, also in Jesus name. Amen.” One of my pastors told me her parents have always prayed that for themselves. That prayer struck a chord in me and I have been praying it ever since.
May God help us bring the wisdom of God that is on the inside of us up & out concerning what to do for those of us who are a part of the sandwich generation with elderly parents and children still at home.
Helena- A powerful and poignant prayer… I shall remember to begin to pray this ..even now. That I am my hubs will not ever be a burden to ourselves or others… and yes for my mom too. While I would care for her however I could.. I know her independence is precious to her…and I know she does not want to ‘burden” anyone. Isn’t it interesting, I don’t see it as a burden to help and care for her… she is my mom.
Blesssings- 🙂
When my mother was in her late eighties she thought I was too busy. Like you, I thought she meant I was too busy for her, but now, at age 76, I’m beginning to recognize that I was too busy for me. I think she saw that. I treasure the last few years that I had with her. It was a time of healing and bonding. After becoming familiar with the concept of “love languages” and learning what hers was, I was able to love her in a more meaningful way.
Jane- ” I was too busy for me” … oh how I long to stop and smell the roses… not running from one to another, but instead savoring the one right in front of me…
Thanks for an insightful look back to perhaps give 20/20 vision for the here and now!
Blessings!
It really doesn’t matter what anyone else tells you, only your mom can share what feels like love to her. It could be that her love language is time spent with her. And if that’s the case it will be a challenge if you are not able to spend much time with her. One thing Lysa Terkuerst said in her relationship with her husband is they wrote on little scraps of paper when they felt loved by their mate. Maybe you could ask your mom when she has felt loved by you. I think as moms we felt loved when we were needed more. But I think the answer lies within your mom. I’ll be praying for you.
Thanks Anne… love her to pieces… and so long to have her know what a treasure she is.
Valuable insight. It would be wonderful if we tell people how much they mean to us. And give the “love” touches you mentioned. Thank you for a wonderful post. Deb Gardner Allard http://www.debgardnerallard.com